Ok, I admit it. I am a coffee convert. I’ve been making fun of my parents for years (sorry, Mom and Dad) for bringing their own coffee pot, mugs, and beans to my house every time they visit me (even though I already have those items ready for when they come). And, here I am, about to turn 35, and I NEED coffee in the morning….and sometimes in the afternoon (is that bad?), as was the case yesterday! As I watched the rain continue for the 48th hour in a row, I thought I would lose my mind! February in Texas. Yuck. A perfectly unlovely month for showing love. Why isn’t Valentine’s Day in June? Where is the sun?! I wondered if I should build an ark. I drug myself to the gym, but it only drained me more. I pondered taking a nap. I couldn’t figure out why I was in a funk. And, at 2:30 p.m. coffee (God bless it) pulled me out of the gutter long enough to gracefully finish my day with the kids. Catastrophe averted.
This may be a silly example, but whether we want to admit it or not, there is a strong connection between our minds/souls and our bodies. I battled depression long before I lost Audrey or faced marital trouble, and I didn’t even know it. But, when medicine restored my brain chemistry, I was able to see that there was a very tangible correlation between my body and my thoughts/feelings. I had birthed three babies in three years, I had nursed for nearly five years straight, and my job required me to be awake at all hours of the night. I was exhausted and very discouraged. When I finally attended to my body, I was able to think more clearly, access my faith more readily, and face my life with more energy and optimism. Weakened bodies often lead to weakened emotional, mental and spiritual faculties.
The opposite is also true. When we face severe emotional trials in our life, our bodies can react negatively. Weakened emotional, mental and spiritual faculties often lead to weakened bodies. Obvious, you may say. But, I think it is relevant to point out that our Creator is well aware of how he made us. He has lovingly expressed his understanding of this aspect of our humanity in his Word. I found this very comforting when I had first lost my little girl. I was beside myself. I could not eat. I could not sleep. I could not function. I think my family walked me through my daily routine for at least two weeks. I don’t even know who took care of my kids. I remember talking to them, but I didn’t fix them a meal or bathe or dress them for a long time. To top it off, the whole family and many of our friends came down with a terrible stomach virus a day or so after the funeral. So, as we held each other’s heads over the toilet, I was asking God to just let me die. In addition to being emotionally bankrupt, I felt so physically weak.
Perhaps some of you have been there. Perhaps this describes you today. Whatever your emotional pain that has left you physically weak, God is not unaware of how he made you.
The psalmist cries out to God in chapter 102: “Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly…my heart is…withered like grass; I forget to eat my food…I am reduced to skin and bones…I lie awake.” (v.1-7)
Job also knew the physical toll of grief. “I sigh when food is put before me, and my groans pour out like water. For the thing I feared has overtaken me, and what I dreaded has happened to me. I cannot relax or be still; I have no rest, for trouble comes.” Job 3:24-26.
Many, many places in Scripture, the loss of physical strength is noted. But, there are just as many references to the supremacy of God’s strength, including the promise that he will give it to those who love him and who ask. There are many kinds of strength, not just physical. But, I don’t see a reason to rule out the possibility that God is willing to give us physical strength when we need it. Psalm 46:1-2 says, “God is our refuge and STRENGTH, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”
In recent years, this verse has become personal. I like to fill in the blanks for myself. “God is MY refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though _________________________.”
How would you fill in the blank? Does your own strength fail you today? God is attentive to our cries for help. He knows how he made us. And, he promises to give us the strength we need to face whatever comes. Guaranteed.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Eternal Perspective 101
If I had to name ONE thing God has changed the most in me through the pain of the last several years, it would be my perspective….my outlook, the lens through which I interpret my world. I can honestly say that before I lost my daughter, I did not long for Heaven. I did not look for Jesus’ return. I had been a Christian for 17 years. I understood (on some level) God’s grace, his forgiveness, and what it meant to walk with him daily. I knew his presence and what it was like to hear from him. But, I had NO CLUE what it meant to have an eternal perspective.
I want to begin blogging a bit about the process I went through as I gained an eternal perspective because it has transformed me permanently. It is now the one thing I want most to teach my children because I strongly believe it has the power to take them from living a good Christian life to living an abundant, victorious one!
It would be insincere of me to give you all of the nuggets of truth I’ve scooped up along the way, though, if I did not let you in on some of the suffering I experienced as God chiseled away my former way of seeing things. For me, pain was the vehicle God used to change my outlook.
I’m not saying God inflicts pain on us because we need to change…but I’m not saying he doesn’t either. I’m comfortable believing that God is sovereign and planned all of Audrey’s days and all of mine. (It took a while for me to get there, by the way.) And, in faith, I’m going to get all of what he wants me to have, no matter what he has planned or allowed. I believe he IS LOVE, and now that I have a glimpse of what he has in store for me in eternity, I know it is worth waiting for!
With that said, I’d like to spend some time sharing with you, bit by bit, some of the very real thoughts and feelings I had as I tried to pick up the pieces after the death of our sweet Audrey. I kept a journal here and there as I processed the loss, and I think that careful communication of my experience may have the power to help other moms and dads who have had the unfortunate privilege of losing a child. I call it “unfortunate” because I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. I call it a “privilege” because it has afforded me an opportunity to see into the heart of God in a way not everyone can.
If you have NOT lost a child, I still think my “story” can challenge you to begin to explore your own perspective BEFORE you experience tragedy or pain…or in the MIDST or WAKE of your own unique tragedy or pain, whatever that is. Do you have an eternal perspective yet? If not, with the instruction of God’s Word, you can get one…and it will motivate you to live a more dynamic, intentional, and fulfilling Christian life NOW.
If you are reading this blog because you HAVE lost a child, I empathize with you. You won’t hear, “The Lord knows best,” “It must have been her time,” or “God could have prevented it if he wanted to.” You won’t hear, “You have to move on for your other children,” “God never gives you more than you can handle,” or “Time heals all wounds.” As a fellow sufferer, I know that speculation and trite comments aren’t helpful, no matter what their intention. My heart in addressing grief in my blog is to give you something trustworthy to hold onto (God’s Word) while validating your very real, human feelings and thoughts. God knows he made us human! None of our feelings are surprising to him!
In his Word, God has shown us over and over again that he relates personally to human beings with complex problems, conflicting emotions, and intense pain. He is no stranger to suffering, and he wants us to know that. He wants us to know that his love and presence never leave us.
And, he wants us to know that this world is not all there is. He has so much planned for those who trust in Jesus! He has given us a lot of information about Heaven (more than we may assume at first glance) so that we will have hope.
My prayer is that as you read this blog you will find authentic camaraderie with another mom who has walked this road. And, I pray that you will find divine encouragement coming straight from the heart of God to yours. If at any point what you are reading is not what you need to hear, by all means, throw it out entirely! We are all different, and our experiences with and expressions of grief are equally diverse. Praise be to God, however, that His Word remains the same! It is applicable to everyone, and it is eternal.
If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. Psalm 119:92
I rise before dawn and cry out for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O Lord, according to your laws. Psalm 119:147-149
I want to begin blogging a bit about the process I went through as I gained an eternal perspective because it has transformed me permanently. It is now the one thing I want most to teach my children because I strongly believe it has the power to take them from living a good Christian life to living an abundant, victorious one!
It would be insincere of me to give you all of the nuggets of truth I’ve scooped up along the way, though, if I did not let you in on some of the suffering I experienced as God chiseled away my former way of seeing things. For me, pain was the vehicle God used to change my outlook.
I’m not saying God inflicts pain on us because we need to change…but I’m not saying he doesn’t either. I’m comfortable believing that God is sovereign and planned all of Audrey’s days and all of mine. (It took a while for me to get there, by the way.) And, in faith, I’m going to get all of what he wants me to have, no matter what he has planned or allowed. I believe he IS LOVE, and now that I have a glimpse of what he has in store for me in eternity, I know it is worth waiting for!
With that said, I’d like to spend some time sharing with you, bit by bit, some of the very real thoughts and feelings I had as I tried to pick up the pieces after the death of our sweet Audrey. I kept a journal here and there as I processed the loss, and I think that careful communication of my experience may have the power to help other moms and dads who have had the unfortunate privilege of losing a child. I call it “unfortunate” because I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. I call it a “privilege” because it has afforded me an opportunity to see into the heart of God in a way not everyone can.
If you have NOT lost a child, I still think my “story” can challenge you to begin to explore your own perspective BEFORE you experience tragedy or pain…or in the MIDST or WAKE of your own unique tragedy or pain, whatever that is. Do you have an eternal perspective yet? If not, with the instruction of God’s Word, you can get one…and it will motivate you to live a more dynamic, intentional, and fulfilling Christian life NOW.
If you are reading this blog because you HAVE lost a child, I empathize with you. You won’t hear, “The Lord knows best,” “It must have been her time,” or “God could have prevented it if he wanted to.” You won’t hear, “You have to move on for your other children,” “God never gives you more than you can handle,” or “Time heals all wounds.” As a fellow sufferer, I know that speculation and trite comments aren’t helpful, no matter what their intention. My heart in addressing grief in my blog is to give you something trustworthy to hold onto (God’s Word) while validating your very real, human feelings and thoughts. God knows he made us human! None of our feelings are surprising to him!
In his Word, God has shown us over and over again that he relates personally to human beings with complex problems, conflicting emotions, and intense pain. He is no stranger to suffering, and he wants us to know that. He wants us to know that his love and presence never leave us.
And, he wants us to know that this world is not all there is. He has so much planned for those who trust in Jesus! He has given us a lot of information about Heaven (more than we may assume at first glance) so that we will have hope.
My prayer is that as you read this blog you will find authentic camaraderie with another mom who has walked this road. And, I pray that you will find divine encouragement coming straight from the heart of God to yours. If at any point what you are reading is not what you need to hear, by all means, throw it out entirely! We are all different, and our experiences with and expressions of grief are equally diverse. Praise be to God, however, that His Word remains the same! It is applicable to everyone, and it is eternal.
If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. Psalm 119:92
I rise before dawn and cry out for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O Lord, according to your laws. Psalm 119:147-149
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Clean Sweep
Is anyone familiar with the show “Clean Sweep”? The premise of the show is that a team of “organization experts” goes into someone’s home, usually at the behest of family members or friends, to de-clutter. And, I use the word “de-clutter” loosely. When I watch the show, I am always amazed at the squalor people live in without even knowing it! I mean, they are usually totally unaware that they need to tidy up a bit!
January… What better time to think about spring cleaning? Two of my friends emailed me just today to let me know they are in the mood to sort through stuff. One is hosting a garage sale, the other wants help organizing her closet.
The theme is not lost on me. Lately, God has been doing His own “clean sweep” in my heart. He has been showing me a variety of areas in my life that are in need of spiritual inventory. And, to be honest, it has caught me by surprise. I was unaware that I was in need of so much change (duh!). Here I was, in the middle of a very dirty house, and I had NO idea.
What are some of my issues? 1) Prioritizing spiritual maturity and purity, namely making better choices about what I watch and listen to via movies, TV, and other forms of entertainment. 2) Choosing not to be easily offended. 3) Choosing to show my husband love despite my pain. 4) And, prioritizing healing in our sex life. Whew! I’m tired just naming them. They are BIG things. And, I know this list is still incomplete.
Your “issues” are likely different than mine, but I’m betting that there has been a day in your life (maybe even recently) when you have felt God’s leading toward some major growth…a day when you realized it was up to YOU, not just other people to change.
Why is this worth talking about? Because when God’s discipline comes there is a great temptation to feel condemned, defeated, DONE. Stick a fork in me. I’ve got enough to deal with already. (And, I do, by the way! I bet you do, too.) We could even be so embarrassed that anyone (even God) has looked that deeply into our hearts that we want to close the door and continue to live in our dirty house. Why risk taking a shot at cleaning it out?
I think the answer lies in my growing understanding of the fact that I serve a HOLY God. Hebrews 12:10-11 says, “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
God cannot fellowship with sin. He wants to fellowship with me, though. So, my holiness is important to Him. God is jealous for me—all of me. Because He loves me and I belong to Him, He longs to finish what He started in me. He has somewhere He wants me to go, and He is going to get me there, one way or another. He actually has in mind for me to share in his holiness. That boggles my mind.
The question is will I be humble enough to submit to the process? I think that if I will, amazing things await me! Do I want to experience the redemption and healing God promises in His Word? Yes! I’ve asked Him for that! Do I want to be transformed by the truth of His promises? Yes! I want to know without a doubt that what I have believed for so long is actually trustworthy. Then, I realize, I must endure his “clean sweep”.
Picture this with me: God takes His big, strong hand and runs it across a cluttered desk to wipe it clean…kind of like they do in the movies. That desk symbolizes my life. “Wow, God, that was abrupt,” I think. If it were me, I would have carefully moved things off the desk one by one. But, somehow I have begun to recognize that God has gotten really tired of looking at that cluttered desk! It is time for action! He wants to give me what I have been asking for, and this is the only way.
When God runs his hand across the “desk” of your life, will you choose to be encouraged with me that He is fighting for your fellowship with Him? Will you see his discipline (His teaching, redirection, correction) as His promise to you that He wants to help you get to the finish line?
Will you embrace January with me? Will you get excited about what God is going to do in YOU this year?
If you’re in, then stay tuned! I have a bundle of topics that I want to address…many of which I need to study further in order to be able to say anything useful and truthful. I am so pumped, though, and I can’t keep my hands off my Bible and lots of other books that help me understand it better. I want to discuss more facets of grief, how to combat our culture’s perversion of God’s great design for sexual intimacy, what it means to be a fierce, brave, warrior princess like the Proverbs 31 woman, and what God’s Word says about forgiving (and forgetting…and remembering). There is so much more to learn as we live the transparent, victorious life that Jesus offers. So, if anyone out there is listening (and only God knows why), I’m still armed and dangerous. Come along!
Blessings to you, and Happy 2010!
January… What better time to think about spring cleaning? Two of my friends emailed me just today to let me know they are in the mood to sort through stuff. One is hosting a garage sale, the other wants help organizing her closet.
The theme is not lost on me. Lately, God has been doing His own “clean sweep” in my heart. He has been showing me a variety of areas in my life that are in need of spiritual inventory. And, to be honest, it has caught me by surprise. I was unaware that I was in need of so much change (duh!). Here I was, in the middle of a very dirty house, and I had NO idea.
What are some of my issues? 1) Prioritizing spiritual maturity and purity, namely making better choices about what I watch and listen to via movies, TV, and other forms of entertainment. 2) Choosing not to be easily offended. 3) Choosing to show my husband love despite my pain. 4) And, prioritizing healing in our sex life. Whew! I’m tired just naming them. They are BIG things. And, I know this list is still incomplete.
Your “issues” are likely different than mine, but I’m betting that there has been a day in your life (maybe even recently) when you have felt God’s leading toward some major growth…a day when you realized it was up to YOU, not just other people to change.
Why is this worth talking about? Because when God’s discipline comes there is a great temptation to feel condemned, defeated, DONE. Stick a fork in me. I’ve got enough to deal with already. (And, I do, by the way! I bet you do, too.) We could even be so embarrassed that anyone (even God) has looked that deeply into our hearts that we want to close the door and continue to live in our dirty house. Why risk taking a shot at cleaning it out?
I think the answer lies in my growing understanding of the fact that I serve a HOLY God. Hebrews 12:10-11 says, “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
God cannot fellowship with sin. He wants to fellowship with me, though. So, my holiness is important to Him. God is jealous for me—all of me. Because He loves me and I belong to Him, He longs to finish what He started in me. He has somewhere He wants me to go, and He is going to get me there, one way or another. He actually has in mind for me to share in his holiness. That boggles my mind.
The question is will I be humble enough to submit to the process? I think that if I will, amazing things await me! Do I want to experience the redemption and healing God promises in His Word? Yes! I’ve asked Him for that! Do I want to be transformed by the truth of His promises? Yes! I want to know without a doubt that what I have believed for so long is actually trustworthy. Then, I realize, I must endure his “clean sweep”.
Picture this with me: God takes His big, strong hand and runs it across a cluttered desk to wipe it clean…kind of like they do in the movies. That desk symbolizes my life. “Wow, God, that was abrupt,” I think. If it were me, I would have carefully moved things off the desk one by one. But, somehow I have begun to recognize that God has gotten really tired of looking at that cluttered desk! It is time for action! He wants to give me what I have been asking for, and this is the only way.
When God runs his hand across the “desk” of your life, will you choose to be encouraged with me that He is fighting for your fellowship with Him? Will you see his discipline (His teaching, redirection, correction) as His promise to you that He wants to help you get to the finish line?
Will you embrace January with me? Will you get excited about what God is going to do in YOU this year?
If you’re in, then stay tuned! I have a bundle of topics that I want to address…many of which I need to study further in order to be able to say anything useful and truthful. I am so pumped, though, and I can’t keep my hands off my Bible and lots of other books that help me understand it better. I want to discuss more facets of grief, how to combat our culture’s perversion of God’s great design for sexual intimacy, what it means to be a fierce, brave, warrior princess like the Proverbs 31 woman, and what God’s Word says about forgiving (and forgetting…and remembering). There is so much more to learn as we live the transparent, victorious life that Jesus offers. So, if anyone out there is listening (and only God knows why), I’m still armed and dangerous. Come along!
Blessings to you, and Happy 2010!
Friday, December 4, 2009
The REAL Tiger
I can't resist weighing in. I am deeply saddened by what I hear in the media regarding Tiger Woods. Just yesterday, I heard an "expert" talk about how women with young children often ignore their husbands and the husbands are then tempted to cheat (hello, let's blame the victim). Another woman said, “Look at all those pictures of Tiger and his happy family. Now we know it was just a charade.” What does she know? What do any of us know about what is really going on in his heart? Only God knows who the real Tiger is.
Contrary to popular opinion, Tiger’s mistake is not a moral failure, it is a spiritual issue. All of us have an emptiness in our hearts that can only be filled by God. And, we all try to fill it with other things. The more that we try to fill that hole with anything but God, the bigger the hole gets. And, the bigger the hole gets, the more desperate we will get to satiate that emptiness with anything that will bring us even a moment’s relief from the desolation we feel. We are all vulnerable. And, yes, even you and I could have gone down that same awful road. There but for the grace of God go we.
I hope we will not speak as the media does and be ignorant about the real Tiger. Only God knows his heart. But, by all means, we must surely not be ignorant about the REAL “tiger” (or lion, as the Bible calls him) who seeks to destroy us. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
Specifically with respect to sexual sin, Satan seems to be taking people down right and left…and it is not just men. As my husband reminds me, for every man who has an affair, there is a consenting woman involved. God is clear about sexual sin. It has grave consequences. The Bible says sexual sin will destroy the person who engages in it. "All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life." Proverbs 7:22-23 This is serious stuff.
So, “How does a person wake up one day and suddenly become unable to appropriately assess the potential consequences of his or her actions?”, one might wonder. “How does a person go from thinking inappropriate thoughts or having inappropriate feelings to acting on them and ruining his marriage, family, career, and reputation?” One step at a time. By dipping his toes in the water. By giving Satan a foothold. And, one doesn’t even have to go seeking out sexual sin to be confronted by the temptation. Sometimes it seeks after YOU.
Case in point: A couple of weeks ago, my husband received a Maxim magazine in the mail with his name on it. I nearly came unglued. Bryan cried innocent. I wanted to know HOW it got in my house and why it appeared that he had subscribed to it. So, I called the magazine. It turns out that a popular gaming magazine to which my husband subscribed had gone out of publication. And, without permission, the publisher switched everyone’s subscription to Maxim. Brilliant. Apparently, many other people were enraged because their teenage sons had received the magazine. The parents only thought they were allowing an interest in computer gaming.
What do we make of the impact of that mailing? Maxim is sold as “mainstream”. It does not arrive wrapped in brown paper. You do not have to be an adult to purchase it. Yet, its content reveals that the line between what was once thought of as pornography and what is now considered innocuous has been blurred. I saved the cover to prove my point. Here are a couple of the tag lines: “The $241,000 Lap Dance: The Fall of America’s Greatest Strip Club”, and “5 Girls in Lingerie Who Want to Drink Tequila With You.” The women pictured inside are not naked, but they might as well be. And, they look ready to go, if you know what I mean. I know this for a fact: few, if any, of the men (boys) looking at Maxim are married to the women inside its pages. And, if they responded to this obvious sexual invitation, they would not be within the boundaries of God’s protection.
Many would say that looking at this kind of thing is really innocent, normal even, a natural part of development. But, I submit to you that boyhood curiosity can turn into a manhood addiction that can ensnare good men like Tiger Woods and my husband (and countless other men AND women). Little compromises can develop into big sin that has much more far-reaching negative consequences.
I know that, despite his failings, my husband’s pictures of his happy family were not and are not a charade. Our marriage was not the problem. Our family was and is happy. And, as I pray for Tiger and Elin and their children, my heart tells me the same is true for them. But those of us who would be wise must use this opportunity as a call to action and awareness.
The media this morning were discussing whether or not Tiger’s scandal is a teachable moment for us all. One woman stated, “No, not unless you want to be more cynical.” Another woman said, “Yes, but we don’t seem to learn from these mistakes. People keep making them.” I assert that this IS a teachable moment if we include spiritual matters in the dialogue. These are not matters of mere behavior. They are a barometer of the heart. We must consider whether the seemingly innocuous compromises we are making today may be giving Satan a foot in the door of our hearts. We must be alert to the fact that we are being pursued by an enemy of our souls. We are at war. And, we must not go to battle naked.
Most of all, we must claim victory because we know that He who is at work in us is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4
Contrary to popular opinion, Tiger’s mistake is not a moral failure, it is a spiritual issue. All of us have an emptiness in our hearts that can only be filled by God. And, we all try to fill it with other things. The more that we try to fill that hole with anything but God, the bigger the hole gets. And, the bigger the hole gets, the more desperate we will get to satiate that emptiness with anything that will bring us even a moment’s relief from the desolation we feel. We are all vulnerable. And, yes, even you and I could have gone down that same awful road. There but for the grace of God go we.
I hope we will not speak as the media does and be ignorant about the real Tiger. Only God knows his heart. But, by all means, we must surely not be ignorant about the REAL “tiger” (or lion, as the Bible calls him) who seeks to destroy us. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
Specifically with respect to sexual sin, Satan seems to be taking people down right and left…and it is not just men. As my husband reminds me, for every man who has an affair, there is a consenting woman involved. God is clear about sexual sin. It has grave consequences. The Bible says sexual sin will destroy the person who engages in it. "All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life." Proverbs 7:22-23 This is serious stuff.
So, “How does a person wake up one day and suddenly become unable to appropriately assess the potential consequences of his or her actions?”, one might wonder. “How does a person go from thinking inappropriate thoughts or having inappropriate feelings to acting on them and ruining his marriage, family, career, and reputation?” One step at a time. By dipping his toes in the water. By giving Satan a foothold. And, one doesn’t even have to go seeking out sexual sin to be confronted by the temptation. Sometimes it seeks after YOU.
Case in point: A couple of weeks ago, my husband received a Maxim magazine in the mail with his name on it. I nearly came unglued. Bryan cried innocent. I wanted to know HOW it got in my house and why it appeared that he had subscribed to it. So, I called the magazine. It turns out that a popular gaming magazine to which my husband subscribed had gone out of publication. And, without permission, the publisher switched everyone’s subscription to Maxim. Brilliant. Apparently, many other people were enraged because their teenage sons had received the magazine. The parents only thought they were allowing an interest in computer gaming.
What do we make of the impact of that mailing? Maxim is sold as “mainstream”. It does not arrive wrapped in brown paper. You do not have to be an adult to purchase it. Yet, its content reveals that the line between what was once thought of as pornography and what is now considered innocuous has been blurred. I saved the cover to prove my point. Here are a couple of the tag lines: “The $241,000 Lap Dance: The Fall of America’s Greatest Strip Club”, and “5 Girls in Lingerie Who Want to Drink Tequila With You.” The women pictured inside are not naked, but they might as well be. And, they look ready to go, if you know what I mean. I know this for a fact: few, if any, of the men (boys) looking at Maxim are married to the women inside its pages. And, if they responded to this obvious sexual invitation, they would not be within the boundaries of God’s protection.
Many would say that looking at this kind of thing is really innocent, normal even, a natural part of development. But, I submit to you that boyhood curiosity can turn into a manhood addiction that can ensnare good men like Tiger Woods and my husband (and countless other men AND women). Little compromises can develop into big sin that has much more far-reaching negative consequences.
I know that, despite his failings, my husband’s pictures of his happy family were not and are not a charade. Our marriage was not the problem. Our family was and is happy. And, as I pray for Tiger and Elin and their children, my heart tells me the same is true for them. But those of us who would be wise must use this opportunity as a call to action and awareness.
The media this morning were discussing whether or not Tiger’s scandal is a teachable moment for us all. One woman stated, “No, not unless you want to be more cynical.” Another woman said, “Yes, but we don’t seem to learn from these mistakes. People keep making them.” I assert that this IS a teachable moment if we include spiritual matters in the dialogue. These are not matters of mere behavior. They are a barometer of the heart. We must consider whether the seemingly innocuous compromises we are making today may be giving Satan a foot in the door of our hearts. We must be alert to the fact that we are being pursued by an enemy of our souls. We are at war. And, we must not go to battle naked.
Most of all, we must claim victory because we know that He who is at work in us is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4
Monday, November 30, 2009
What Grows When You Get Old
Watching me get dressed and looking intently at some lovely moles under my arm, Mary Claire (6) asked, "Mommy, what are those?" Before I could answer, she matter-of-factly stated, "That's just what grows when you get old."
Yep. Thanks, Mary Claire. Oh, how we can be humbled by our children! Pointing out the obvious is a strength of our little ones. But, you know, the comment got me thinking...
My mom and dad recently shopped at the Ulta beauty supply store. My mom chuckled as she recounted the purpose of their errand: to purchase an ultra-magnifying mirror and nose hair clippers! Some things just grow when you get older.
Other things, however, don't grow unless we are purposeful about them. One thing is sure: we are growing older. But, are we growing wiser? We all grow old, but we do not all grow up.
This is just as true among believers as it is true among those who do not know Christ. Jesus tells a parable about a farmer (God) who plants seeds (God's Word). Many, he says, will hear the Word of God and believe. Yet, as they go about life, they will be consumed by worry and riches and pleasures and they will not mature. Others, he says, will "hear the Word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." Luke 8:15
Jesus seems to be stating that the extraordinary quality of the man who matures is perseverance. In other words, the mature man, though he faces the same worldly challenges, does not give up. James reinforces the concept that perseverance and maturity go hand-in-hand. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
If I could rewind my life and remove the events that have caused so much pain, I would. But, since I cannot, I can truly say that I am grateful for the opportunities they have provided for me to choose perseverance. For, in that simple act of hanging on, God has revealed so much of himself and has faithfully been maturing me along the way. The process is slow, but he promises he will finish it (Philippians 1:6).
I want him to find me lacking nothing when he comes for me or takes me home. I long for him to complete what he started in me. Oh, that his Word may find good soil in my heart today! What kind of ground will he find in yours? What will grow as YOU get old?
Yep. Thanks, Mary Claire. Oh, how we can be humbled by our children! Pointing out the obvious is a strength of our little ones. But, you know, the comment got me thinking...
My mom and dad recently shopped at the Ulta beauty supply store. My mom chuckled as she recounted the purpose of their errand: to purchase an ultra-magnifying mirror and nose hair clippers! Some things just grow when you get older.
Other things, however, don't grow unless we are purposeful about them. One thing is sure: we are growing older. But, are we growing wiser? We all grow old, but we do not all grow up.
This is just as true among believers as it is true among those who do not know Christ. Jesus tells a parable about a farmer (God) who plants seeds (God's Word). Many, he says, will hear the Word of God and believe. Yet, as they go about life, they will be consumed by worry and riches and pleasures and they will not mature. Others, he says, will "hear the Word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." Luke 8:15
Jesus seems to be stating that the extraordinary quality of the man who matures is perseverance. In other words, the mature man, though he faces the same worldly challenges, does not give up. James reinforces the concept that perseverance and maturity go hand-in-hand. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
If I could rewind my life and remove the events that have caused so much pain, I would. But, since I cannot, I can truly say that I am grateful for the opportunities they have provided for me to choose perseverance. For, in that simple act of hanging on, God has revealed so much of himself and has faithfully been maturing me along the way. The process is slow, but he promises he will finish it (Philippians 1:6).
I want him to find me lacking nothing when he comes for me or takes me home. I long for him to complete what he started in me. Oh, that his Word may find good soil in my heart today! What kind of ground will he find in yours? What will grow as YOU get old?
Friday, November 20, 2009
When You're Hanging By A Thread
I'm a "glass is half-full" kind of girl. Always have been. But, lest anyone reading my blogs gets the wrong idea and thinks me "Polyanna", let me tell you about this week. It was a dark one.
Audrey's heavenly birthday came and went, and neither my husband nor I could make much positive out of it. Despite our confidence in Heaven, we were just plain sad. And mad. And, we didn't feel hopeful. Then, just a few days later, an ugly consequence of my husband's infidelity hit us like a ton of bricks. An extended family conflict arose that deeply injured us both and reopened wounds that had only begun to scab over. I have to tell you, I could not see God in it all for several days. I couldn't pray. And, if I could, I certainly could not hear God's voice in response or feel His presence. It was the purest pain I've felt in a long time.
The reality is that most of us reach a place in our lives when it is nearly impossible to see God at work. A friend emailed me to ask advice about comforting a family who was getting ready to face the first anniversary of their son's death. The husband, she said, had been struggling with anger, and the wife with depression and sadness. The husband had hoped that his faith in God would have grown in the past year, but in fact, the opposite had been true.
Where is God when we can't feel him or see him? What does he think of us when our faith in him seems so small? Let me propose something radical: Small faith is better than dead faith. If you're still talking to God, your faith is not dead. God can work with very little faith and do very big things. Failing to hear from God immediately, failing to sense his presence, and experiencing the darkness of pain does not indicate that God has abandoned us or is displeased with us.
In fact, I think we can express our deepest anger, doubt, and fear to God without worrying he will give up on us. About a year after my husband confessed his sexual sin, he succumbed to an internet temptation while he was traveling. At the time, I thought it was more grave than it was, and I had found out about it through my credit card company. To make matters worse, I could not reach him by phone for four hours. I was literally planning how I was going to be a single mom. It was another dark day. I distinctly remember yelling at God out loud, "How could you let this happen to me when I trusted you? I don't even know if you exist!" And I meant it.
I had barely uttered the last angry word when my phone rang. It was my friend Julie. "Something is wrong with you," she said. "I am driving in my car and God told me to pray for you. Is everything ok?" I was speechless. In this simple gesture, God showed me He does, in fact, exist. It didn't solve my problem, but I dissolved in a puddle of tears just knowing that God had not abandoned me.
You see, the moment we call on him, God dispatches his armies to fight on our behalf. Sometimes we find out about it quickly, like I did when my friend Julie called. And, sometimes, we have to wait in darkness to see God at work, like I did this week. But, my friend, make no mistake: Either way, he is at work! Look at Daniel 10.
An angel of the Lord comes to Daniel with a message: Whew! Sorry it took me so long to get here! You know, the second you cried out to God, he heard you, and he sent me. But, I got kind of tied up fighting some battles in the spiritual realm for you. I had to call Michael for back-up. And, I am just now getting here to give you this message: Don't be afraid. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. Take courage. Be strong.
I don't know about you, but this speaks to me! When I'm walking down a long, dark tunnel and it has been a while since I've seen through a window of clarity, I can be sure God is fighting for me!
Take heart! To those who call on the Lord and believe (even just a little) the message is coming. The messenger may be delayed. But, the message is coming. "Peace. Everything is going to be all right."
Audrey's heavenly birthday came and went, and neither my husband nor I could make much positive out of it. Despite our confidence in Heaven, we were just plain sad. And mad. And, we didn't feel hopeful. Then, just a few days later, an ugly consequence of my husband's infidelity hit us like a ton of bricks. An extended family conflict arose that deeply injured us both and reopened wounds that had only begun to scab over. I have to tell you, I could not see God in it all for several days. I couldn't pray. And, if I could, I certainly could not hear God's voice in response or feel His presence. It was the purest pain I've felt in a long time.
The reality is that most of us reach a place in our lives when it is nearly impossible to see God at work. A friend emailed me to ask advice about comforting a family who was getting ready to face the first anniversary of their son's death. The husband, she said, had been struggling with anger, and the wife with depression and sadness. The husband had hoped that his faith in God would have grown in the past year, but in fact, the opposite had been true.
Where is God when we can't feel him or see him? What does he think of us when our faith in him seems so small? Let me propose something radical: Small faith is better than dead faith. If you're still talking to God, your faith is not dead. God can work with very little faith and do very big things. Failing to hear from God immediately, failing to sense his presence, and experiencing the darkness of pain does not indicate that God has abandoned us or is displeased with us.
In fact, I think we can express our deepest anger, doubt, and fear to God without worrying he will give up on us. About a year after my husband confessed his sexual sin, he succumbed to an internet temptation while he was traveling. At the time, I thought it was more grave than it was, and I had found out about it through my credit card company. To make matters worse, I could not reach him by phone for four hours. I was literally planning how I was going to be a single mom. It was another dark day. I distinctly remember yelling at God out loud, "How could you let this happen to me when I trusted you? I don't even know if you exist!" And I meant it.
I had barely uttered the last angry word when my phone rang. It was my friend Julie. "Something is wrong with you," she said. "I am driving in my car and God told me to pray for you. Is everything ok?" I was speechless. In this simple gesture, God showed me He does, in fact, exist. It didn't solve my problem, but I dissolved in a puddle of tears just knowing that God had not abandoned me.
You see, the moment we call on him, God dispatches his armies to fight on our behalf. Sometimes we find out about it quickly, like I did when my friend Julie called. And, sometimes, we have to wait in darkness to see God at work, like I did this week. But, my friend, make no mistake: Either way, he is at work! Look at Daniel 10.
An angel of the Lord comes to Daniel with a message: Whew! Sorry it took me so long to get here! You know, the second you cried out to God, he heard you, and he sent me. But, I got kind of tied up fighting some battles in the spiritual realm for you. I had to call Michael for back-up. And, I am just now getting here to give you this message: Don't be afraid. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. Take courage. Be strong.
I don't know about you, but this speaks to me! When I'm walking down a long, dark tunnel and it has been a while since I've seen through a window of clarity, I can be sure God is fighting for me!
Take heart! To those who call on the Lord and believe (even just a little) the message is coming. The messenger may be delayed. But, the message is coming. "Peace. Everything is going to be all right."
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Choosing Hope
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you were afraid to admit it? Even to yourself? Have you ever been hesitant to hope for something because you didn't want to be disappointed? Maybe you were even afraid that if you expressed your hope to someone else and it didn't come to fruition you would be embarassed.
My dear friend has had a longing for another baby for almost 8 years, and she is just now learning to allow herself to hope for it. She told me this week, "I am trying to deliberately hope." My response was, "Hope is always a good choice, no matter what happens."
Now, this is not the advice of the world at large. And, after I shot her that text, I thought to myself, "I better be able to back that up." There is a tendency to want to protect ourselves, and we know God's Word encourages us to "guard our hearts" (Proverbs 4:23). So why is it that I have a burning desire to encourage Christian sisters and brothers to expect BIG things from God and not be afraid that he will disappoint us? After all the pain I've suffered in the last few years, why in the world do I still want to stick my neck out there and risk being hurt?
I have walked a fine line between hope and despair most days since Audrey died. But, it has been clear to me since minute one that I have a choice to make. It seems like a non-choice, really. I'm still breathing (and I didn't opt for this, by the way), so I might as well live with hope. Does despair really protect me from pain anyway? On the contrary, it intensifies it.
So how do I go about choosing hope then? Psalm 31:24 says, "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope IN THE LORD." It is the OBJECT of our hope that is our first order of business. In Scripture, where the word hope is used, the object of that hope is worth noting. As believers, our hope is "in the Lord", "in His Word", "in His unfailing love", and "in what he has promised."
Hope placed in the mighty hands of our God is safe for our tender hearts. We are assured in Scripture that "those who hope in God will not be disappointed" (Isaiah 49:23) and that "no one whose hope is in God will ever be put to shame" (Psalm 25:3a).
Translation: Dare to dream BIG. If our longings are not forbidden in Scripture, and especially if they are a clear demonstration of God's will as expressed in Scripture, we can boldly lift them to the Lord in expectant hope.
Does this mean that every longing of our hearts will be fulfilled? If my friend hopes for a baby bad enough, will she get one? If I dare to trust my husband, does that mean he won't disappoint me again? No. But, our longings are safe with God because our hope is not in whether or not we get what we want. Our hope is in the God who has proven himself faithful over and over in our lives. And, no matter what, he does not disappoint.
Will you join me and my friend today and choose hope? I am confident it is a good choice, no matter what happens.
My dear friend has had a longing for another baby for almost 8 years, and she is just now learning to allow herself to hope for it. She told me this week, "I am trying to deliberately hope." My response was, "Hope is always a good choice, no matter what happens."
Now, this is not the advice of the world at large. And, after I shot her that text, I thought to myself, "I better be able to back that up." There is a tendency to want to protect ourselves, and we know God's Word encourages us to "guard our hearts" (Proverbs 4:23). So why is it that I have a burning desire to encourage Christian sisters and brothers to expect BIG things from God and not be afraid that he will disappoint us? After all the pain I've suffered in the last few years, why in the world do I still want to stick my neck out there and risk being hurt?
I have walked a fine line between hope and despair most days since Audrey died. But, it has been clear to me since minute one that I have a choice to make. It seems like a non-choice, really. I'm still breathing (and I didn't opt for this, by the way), so I might as well live with hope. Does despair really protect me from pain anyway? On the contrary, it intensifies it.
So how do I go about choosing hope then? Psalm 31:24 says, "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope IN THE LORD." It is the OBJECT of our hope that is our first order of business. In Scripture, where the word hope is used, the object of that hope is worth noting. As believers, our hope is "in the Lord", "in His Word", "in His unfailing love", and "in what he has promised."
Hope placed in the mighty hands of our God is safe for our tender hearts. We are assured in Scripture that "those who hope in God will not be disappointed" (Isaiah 49:23) and that "no one whose hope is in God will ever be put to shame" (Psalm 25:3a).
Translation: Dare to dream BIG. If our longings are not forbidden in Scripture, and especially if they are a clear demonstration of God's will as expressed in Scripture, we can boldly lift them to the Lord in expectant hope.
Does this mean that every longing of our hearts will be fulfilled? If my friend hopes for a baby bad enough, will she get one? If I dare to trust my husband, does that mean he won't disappoint me again? No. But, our longings are safe with God because our hope is not in whether or not we get what we want. Our hope is in the God who has proven himself faithful over and over in our lives. And, no matter what, he does not disappoint.
Will you join me and my friend today and choose hope? I am confident it is a good choice, no matter what happens.
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